It has been a little while since I posted last, but I was feeling very all over the place and finding time to sit and focus was not happening.

So my IVF cycle is on a bit of a delay, which is disappointing, but I've accepted it at this point and am moving forward. The double Lupron dose did not stop my ovulation from happening, so my RE called off my cycle.  I went in on Tuesday for monitoring and they saw that my follicle almost doubled in size, so there was no way I could cycle.  In order to force the egg to release from the follicle, I had to take my trigger shot.  My trigger was my first intramuscular shot in the booty, given by Mr. Lovey Pants.  It wasn't as bad as I thought, but poor Mr. Lovey Pants...I micro-managed his every movement and he was so nervous.  He did a great job.  I know he was so nervous and I most certainly did not help the situation.

I went back to the RE on Friday and I had in fact ovulated, courtesy of the trigger, so I started on Lupron again.  I am to continue taking the Lupron and go in for additional monitoring on day 3 of my period to see if I can start stims that night.  So I am not that far off track.  In other good news, the IVF lab does not close on March 14...that is just the last day you can start a cycle before they close for a few weeks.  Since I typically get AF 10-12 DPO, I should be good to start stims within the next week, which is before March 14.  I firmly believe this delay was divine intervention so that the timing would be just perfect for Mini MacD to be conceived :o)

The delay couldn't have come at a better time because Beans 3rd birthday was on Saturday, the 26th and I was really stressing that I was going to be uncomfortable taking all the stims, so that worked in our favor too.  We had a party for her at one of those indoor kiddie play places and she had a blast, and so did Mr. Lovey Pants and I.  It was so great to watch her and all her little friends and family have fun.  I will admit that the morning of her bday, I did get a little sad that she doesn't have a sibling to share all of this with, but I didn't let that get me down.  We gave her a fish tank, that she picked out her own fish for and that was a HUGE hit.  She thinks she is their mommy...too funny.  We also showed her a picture of the swing set we are getting her (once this darn snow melts) and I know she is going to flip when that arrives.  I love spoiling my sweet little girl. 

On Saturday night, after she went to bed, Mr. Lovey Pants and I drank champagne in front of the fire and talked about how blessed we are.  We are very blessed indeed.

Until next time......xoxoxo
Amanda

Not going as planned

So I went to the RE yesterday for my suppression check, which is an ultrasound and bloodwork apppointment to make sure your reproductive system is at baseline or rest level. I had my bloodwork first and all seemed well. Then I had my ultrasound...not so good. During my ultrasound, the RE saw a dominant follicle measuring in at an 11. She didn't say that it was bad at the time, so I thought nothing of it and I went on with my day.

Fast forward to 3 o'clock, the phone rang and it was my nurse. I knew immediately that she didn't have good news. So she tells me that my body broke through the birth control and the Lupron and that my body was preparing to ovulate on it's own, so that I needed to double my Lupron dose and come back in on Tuesday for another suppression check to see if my body was cooperating so I could start taking my stim injections. Umm, WHAT? I was so caught off guard that I didn't even ask any questions, I just hung up the phone and I cried. It took me a while to be optimistic about IVF even working for us, so this was another blow.

After talking to my friend, she told me to call back and find out what the heck was going on. I spoke to my nurse and apparently, breaking through the pill and Lupron does happen to some people and I get to be one of them. Lucky me. I asked her if bumping up the Lupron was going to suppress me by Tuesday and she told me that they hope it does, but by Tuesday, they will know if I am on the right track or not. I may not be fully suppressed by then, but they will at least be able to see if the higher dose of Lupron is going working or not.  Now here is where it gets really stressful....the lab closes on March 14 for 2 weeks, like they do every quarter, so I need to be fuly suppressed by this time next weekend or I can't even do my IVF this cycle.  F'ing Fabulous.  This has to work.  I don't want to wait any longer.  I know in the grand scheme of things, this isn't a big deal, but so much time has gone by already.  Hopefully, this is divine intervention and this setback is just what was needed to get our little butterball in time for Turkey Day.

Who ovulates on the birth control pill anyway?  Maybe if Mr. Lovey Pants slaps on a Trojan and we get busy, we can make a baby!  I mean seriously, this is just absurd. 

Until next time............xoxoxoxo

Amanda

LaLaLaLa Lupron

I started my Lupron injections on Friday night and it took us a few minutes to get situated. I even pricked my finger with the needle, but it wasn't so bad.  But geez...what an absolute spazz these injections make me.  I've heard that some of the side effects could be headaches, hot flashes, loss of appetite, trouble sleeping, etc.  I even heard about this so called Lupron fog, but it couldn't happen to me, right?  Hahahaha...fat chance!  I am a complete and total moron.  I don't mean slow to get the joke dumb, I mean dumb like I can't remember what I am talking about, forgetting what I am supposed to do, leaving doors open, putting conditioner in my hair first, like a complete and total airhead dumb.  Mr. Lovey Pants is taking complete advantage of me being off my game.  I have to admit that not being accountable for much has it's advantages, so I am making the best of it for now.  I actually feel more relaxed on this medication than I have in over a year....hmmmmm.  It feels pretty good to have the old Amanda back, so I am just going to ride this wave to babyland (I hope!!!).

My nurse called me on Friday to remind me to start the injections that night.  She also instructed me to take my last BCP on Valentine's Day and to come in on Thursday, the 17th for monitoring and to start stimming that night.  My RE promised me that I would not have my ER on 2/26, as that is my Beans' birthday.  I told my nurse that I was very nervous that I could go in on 2/26 anyway because I am a quick responder to the stim meds.  She agreed, so I am not going to start stims until a day later, Friday the 18th.  I feel so much better about that.  The last thing I would ever want to do is miss my faviorite girls' birthday and party.....she deserves the world and Mommy and Daddy wouldn't miss it for anything.

Until next time......xoxoxo

Waiting is the hardest part

Not much new here to report on the IVF front.  I started the BCP last Thursday and received my tentative IVF schedule yesterday.  I start Lupron on Friday, 2/11,  pop my last BtCP on Love Day, start Follistim on Thursday, 2/17,  and have a tentative egg retrieval for Sunday, 2/27.  Let's get this show on the road already!! I am definitely getting antsy, so I am doing my best to keep busy.  Busy is good.  Busy doesn't let my mind wander to the what-ifs.  Busy is my friend. 

I am so lucky to have all of the support of my family, friends, and fellow SIFers.  We have so many people cheering us on and it feels awesome.  We have positive energy all around us and we are running with it. 

Less than 48 hours until the first injection and I can't wait.  This is it!

Until next time.......xoxoxoxo

Interesting article

This article was shared on one of the message boards I frequent.  I feel like I could have written this myself.  I relate so much to what the author is saying.  I figured I would share this with all of you, so all of you can better understand what we are going through. 

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/women_shealth/5088578/Secondary-infertility-One-is-not-enough.html

IVF it is

So it is 100% official; we are moving forward with IVF.  We knew we were going to be doing IVF, but there was still a part of both of us that thought that maybe, just maybe we would be lucky enough to get pregnant on our own last cycle.  No dice.  I started my pre-AF bleeding on Thursday and even though this happens every month, I always think that there is a chance that maybe the bleeding is a good sign.  It never is.  So in the middle of the night, I woke up to a full on flow.  Like all over my sheets in the middle of the night with horrible cramps period.  Really?  Why can't you just show up without making a big scene?  Why does it have to be like a sucker punch?  Well, F you too AF....F you too.

I go to the RE on Thursday for my CD3 bloodwork and ultrasound.  Provided that there are no surprises at my appointment, I will be starting the BCP and will get instructions about when to start Lupron injections and stop the BCP.  Good times.

I still am having a hard time believing that we are really starting an IVF cycle.  How did this happen?  I am still baffled that we've been on this journey for almost 2 years.  I am tired of this.  I want to be normal again.  I don't want to be broken.  I want to have a baby like I did before.  I am a good mother.  I can do this.  I want to do this.  Please please please let this be it for us.  I don't think I can handle much more of this. I just want to be in the delivery room with Mr. Lovey Pants crying and loving our beautiful little miracle.  I am begging for this to be the beginning of our miracle.